Architecture is the art of how to waste space.
Philip Johnson

Architecture - the "Truth" PDF Print E-mail
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Wednesday, 09 February 2011 07:40

Architecture is the science and art practiced by those who like mint chip ice cream. It is also a career studied in universities and some people, like Frank Gehry , earn a lot of money by being architects.

Architecture is the product of taking a pencil and scribbling doodles on a piece of paper. However, in modern times, the program autocad is now being utilized to modernize this doodling process. The most commonly expressed form of architecture is the "poop-shack" or outhouse. Human beings generate great amounts of carbon emisions, and deficate vast amouts of excrement. Thus, the first challenge of early neolithic architects was to create primitive "poop-shacks." The abode or house where one lives can also be considered an architectural expression. (Apartments and condominiums are do not fall under the classification of being architecturally generated.)

Kid's graffiti on a cave in Connecticut


Since monkeys decided to become humans, they have faced the problem of finding poop shacks. Through a variety of climactic conditions, they needed places to be comfortable, where they would be out of the elements, and free to poop in peace. So, they started living in caves. Some people say that caves cannot be considered architecture, but according to theory, caves are not natural forms, but rather warehouses made by aliens in 1963 A.D. While there is not definitive proof that caves were built by aliens, and really no way to know for sure if caves existed before 1963 A.D. perhaps we will never be certain if they can be considered architecture or not.

In the time of the caverns there were no baby sitters, so most of the kids were alone at home. When they got bored, they started painting the interior walls of the caves with their own excrement. Their mothers, of course, were angry with this behaviour, but there were no means to erase the pictures other than with a urine wash manufactured by mixing the urine of an alpha-male, with crushed bay leaves. The shit doodles that could not be erased have now been plundered by museums and real architects get upset by this and throw fits, taking out their life frustration on their students. HOW PATHETIC!

Early (phallic) period

The first aim in architecture, as previously stated, was to shelter the human or monkey-man (or woman) whilst their sphincter dialated and they diffused their intestinal refuse onto this god-beguiled earth. Any horizontal surface that was not protected from this shit rain was subject to staining...and is architecture THAT IS NOT SUSTAINABLE.

When societies evolved, the atomic warhead became the definition of what constitutes "first-world" and "third-world" architecture. Those counties with the bomb...generally make pretty buildings that consume resources like a drunk whore in Thailand consumes liquor. Communities in different parts of the globe, are different, and while some live in squalor, eating rodents and wallowing in the mud, generally their "poop-shacks" are of a less consumptive nature than a "CALIFORNIA POOP SHACK" with characterists like air conditioning and toilet paper. The high priests of the given epoch, generally fondled mammouths...and thus did not need "architecture" as, since they generally were out hunting victims, pooped in the wilderness. God disdains so-called architectural-hating "free-poopers." The little children banded together in a hunger strike to urge the high priests to return to the cities and towns so that more shit could be accumulated in order to create a tower of shit. That's the origin of the Menhirs.

Many scholars think that this Menhirs were also a sign of power, and were made in scale 10:1 according to the size of the phallus of the priest. Following logic, Menhirs would have alsobeen the first scale model ever made by mankind. The main difference between these models and the ones architecture students build is the scale. Students' models have an average scale of 3.1416:1. Death to the Menhirs!!!

Greek and Roman Architecture

Greek and Roman constructions are often characterized by the fact that the artifacts were never finished. In many cases only the pillars were placed. Many other Greek builders finished their works only to apply hundreds of years of man-made erosion to it for that "vintage look".

Medieval Architecture

Castles 'n shit

Renaissance Architecture

Renaissance architecture derives its form from the afterbirth of placenta of a ripe recent mother. The term, which literally means "re-birth" manifests its character of messy afterbirth in the undulating arches and bobeda de cuna domes that cap its eloquent form. Many examples of Renaissance architecture can be seen in the exurban sprawl of sunbelt American cities. Those who have silicon testicular or breast implants especially enjoy the expressive nature of public masturbation that this genre inspires.

Information is used from: www.uncyclopedia.com

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Last Updated on Friday, 16 September 2011 08:35